So what now?

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who’s thinking this. I know some of Throwing Starfish’s readers are wondering, “So what now?” Believe it or not, but some people checked our blog every day. The truth is I don’t know what’s next. Ever since I got back, I’ve been wondering the same thing. I feel like I have this part of me that’s screaming at me to go back.

Back where I feel accepted. Where I know that someone loves me. Where I know that there is a little boy who will be so grateful for medical attention that he will stick around the building until we leave just to say thank you. Someone that will run and grab my hand and never ever let go. I want God to hold my hand and never let go. Please, God, don’t ever let go.

I know that God is always with me. I know that. Sometimes, there are certain places where the signal sort of gets weaker. The signal is the strongest in Uganda. Back “home”, or at least what’s supposed to be home, I don’t feel God with me as much as I want to. I want to feel like God is always sitting right next to me in the car. And I just don’t feel that.

When I look outside at the mountains to my left and the ocean to my right, I feel truly blessed. Even though I missed my ocean in Uganda, I still yearn to go back to the place where I left half of my heart. To the Pearl of Africa. I’m very proud of Uganda as a country. Since the genocide, they have had to rebuild what was torn down. The Ugandans have built facilities that help the woman who have had their lips cut off during the genocide. They have received new lips. Those women are gaining back their confidence.

I was watching the Olympic opening ceremonies last night, and when Uganda walked across the stadium with their flag, I was proud of them. Even though there were so few competing for Uganda, I’m glad they came. I think it’s amazing that those men and women can represent their country. Uganda is a beautiful country with beautiful people. And they deserve to be recognized.

So what now? I hope that this helped you to see “what now.” I know that a part of me will always want to return to Uganda. I’m sure that I will someday, I just don’t know when. But for now, I’m stuck in California. I guess I’ll just have to see what God has planned for me.


Jennifer Gash

2 replies
  1. Mike and Trellys Henley
    Mike and Trellys Henley says:

    I imagine life is more complicated here, so you maybe feel pulled away from God. He is still right with you and His Holy Spirit is in you. I think it’s so noisy and busy around us all the time that it’s hard to feel Him. Stay in His Word, prayer, and meditation. He will let you know how you can serve Him where you are and again you’ll feel His nearness. Sharing your thoughts with us is such a blessing. Thank you.
    We love you so much. Grammy

  2. Cherie Trousdale
    Cherie Trousdale says:

    Sweet Jennifer,
    People need to see Jesus wherever they are. For a while the Father placed you in an area with such visible need and you were able to be Jesus to them in a most remarkable way. Now He has brought you back to America where we pride ourselves on being self-reliant – but oh how we need Jesus. Perhaps for now your morning prayer can be “Today, I will be Jesus to someone. Today I will see Jesus in those I meet.” You have made space in your heart for Jesus – let Him reign. I am absolutely thrilled over what has been done in you and hope that you will continue to write about your walk with God.
    Much love,
    Aunt Cherie


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