A Year Later

After moving cities, going to the suicide funeral of a middle school friend, preparing to leave the country, and truly learning the meaning of “miscommunication,” I know that God is good. Usually not in the ways that I expect or even want, but God is good. God was good when I sat in my car crying before and after school because the taking of life is an evil and painful thing. God was good when I would go into the bathroom before dinner to “wash my hands” and literally get on my knees and pray that I could stand another 30 minutes pretending to be enthusiastic about a trip that was breaking my heart. God is good on the days when I apologize for my selfishness and unwilling heart because it’s just so hard to leave. God is good because He is there. God is there when you scroll through your contacts, looking for someone to unburden yourself to. God is there when you try to drive and cry at the same time (BAD idea). God is there whether you ask him to be there or not. God is there whether you want him to be or not.

God was there for me in the license plate that said “this too shall pass.” He was there when he answered prayers I didn’t even know people were praying for me. And he’s here right now when I feel hopelessly inadequate to go play missionary for 6 months.

What I’m saying is, people who go on mission trips DO NOT have it all together. We’re some of the most broken people you will find. We just realize that we will never be fixed and we’re wasting God’s time sitting around and waiting for pixie dust to come and fix us. Don’t stay at home because you don’t think you’re good enough. I can tell you right now, you’re not. But that’s why God chose you. If you were good enough, how could you connect to the broken?

10 replies
  1. Courtney Echols
    Courtney Echols says:

    In tears, sitting in my chair at work because God is here, in YOU, Jessica Gash. I am so proud to know you and love you.

  2. Catherine Whittinghill
    Catherine Whittinghill says:

    Jessica, I so joyously anticipate being blessed by your words while you are on this adventure. You are a remarkable writer, and I am so glad this trip and this blog will give you things to say and a place to say them. I pray God will continue to cultivate this gift of yours – as much for my own sake as yours. You are one wise lady.

  3. Carrie
    Carrie says:

    You know, it’s a bad idea when a teacher pairs up the most advanced kid in the class to help the most behind kid in the class because the most advanced kid has no idea what it’s like to struggle with the academics. No empathy, no way to help.

    So, Miss Notgoodenough, I will pray that God will continue to use your weakness as strength.

  4. Aunt Marian
    Aunt Marian says:

    My dear sweet girl, thank you for reminding us all that “God is there”! Please, in your own eloquent way, keep reminding us that God is truly there for you, and for all us. I look forward to reading more…I love you and am so proud of you!

  5. Kathleen Dillon
    Kathleen Dillon says:

    Take a look at Richard Rohr’s “Falling Upward.” It is all about this (though possibly targeted at an older audience, though, look at you, dear one, already a medical tech/CNA! I think it might speak to you.) Love to you. (I am Champe’s mom, from Pepperdine Law).

  6. Coral
    Coral says:

    Aurora Myers-WaltersOmg Jake your actually in Japan Wow we all tguohh you were lying cause Sam and Talita saw you on thaa weekend. Hope you had fun or still having fun


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